Seriously I am only 29 years old- I can't imagine life at 65. My body is falling apart.
For over a year now I have had a permanent spot of tenderness on my forehead. I have had a xray and two ct scans and they can't find anything. It went away for 2 days and I was so excited and then it came back.
This summer I broke out into a full body rash twice and so I went for allergy testing last week. Turns out I am allergic to a lot more then I thought. Mold, Dust, Horses, a handfull of trees- theses are the more serious ones but I am allergic to a ton of other stuff just not as bad.
My arm that I broke this summer is not healed as good as I would like - I still get a lot of pain. If I am crawling around with the kids, or pushing them on the swing there is a fair amount of pain.
I have had tonsillitis 3 times in the last two months and now the Dr says I need to have my tonsils out. He has referred my to a throat and nose specialist and I am waiting for a call.
I have had a fairly bad jaw for quite sometime. When I was 15 I received a kick to the jaw while playing soccer and it has been bad ever since. It used to only bother me when I got bonked in the jaw or when I opened really really big while yawning or at the Dentist. Well it has been getting worse and I have been trying to ignore it but I am afraid it is time to get it checked out. It is now clicking all the time. Whenever I chew..click click click. Time to get it looked after...
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Where did all the Mom's go?
A friend Mentioned to me that in all the big Disney Movies there is no Mom. There is always a dad but no Mom. Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, Finding Nemo. There is lots of Movies I have not seen in a long time so don't know - Snow white, Sleeping Beuaty do these have Moms? I can't say. Even in Bambi the mom dies. Why is this? Is there any movies that it is just the Character and the mom? I don't understand the reasoning.....
*****I am wrong***I am at my Aunts watching Lion King for the first time in years and years and the Mom is in it.
*****I am wrong***I am at my Aunts watching Lion King for the first time in years and years and the Mom is in it.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Coping, dealing, grieving.
After finding myself crying on a daily basis I have come to the conclusion that I do not deal with death well. Well Young death to be specific.
I lost a good friend Tyler Wrachowski right after high school. This was the first time where someone I personally knew had died at a young age. At the time he died Tyler and I had drifted apart and only seen each other a couple times a year. Tyler was a really good friend at one of the hardest times in my young life - my parents divorce. He lived so close that if I needed to chat it was a two minute walk. His death was very sad but I don't think the impact fully hit at the time. I don't think his death effected my life all that much.
The second person we knew to die young, was our Friend Tim. Tim was engaged to a very close friend of ours and we really were just getting to know him - but he was the kind of guy that made you feel you were friends for a long time. When it was two months before the wedding he died in a work accident. I think this is when Death fully hit me. I sat by helpless as my good friend dealt with this horrible event, it amazes me how she was so strong in her faith through this. All her hopes and plans for the future gone. Her best friend, the person who knew her the best taken. This is when death truly impacted me and still does. It made me realize the gift of Fred that I have. But it also made me afraid. Afraid to lose him. About a month after Fred and I had a really fun morning, just hanging out we made breakfast and were flirting. I then had to go to Sundre to take pictures for a friend. As I am leaving Calgary I get this thought - something is going to happen to one of us. That we had a fun morning so that the other one would have a great last memory. Not a fun way to live. In fear. But every time I leave town with out Fred I cry - something is going to happen.
Then we had kids and the stakes went up again. I very clearly remember leaving town the First time without Samantha. We went to Banff for our anniversary. I tried not to worry but there was constant thoughts..something will happen....
Death seemed to stay away for a bit, about four years. Then this past December it came back. A very good friend from Highschool lost a battle with Ovarian Cancer. She was 28. As long as I was friends with Steph she had always been in Love with Jerimy. High school sweethearts who married the year after Fred and I. Steph and I had lost contact, in fact I hadn't seen her in at least two years. I caught up with her on facebook and had high hopes of reconnecting. There was four of us who were really close and every time I went to Med Hat I had thoughts of trying to arrange a get together - but the weekends always went so fast and it never happened. When Stephanie died I realized how sad the word "someday" is. I will now never have that opportunity . After her service the three of us remaining went out for coffee and it was great. There of course was a sadness and we very much felt the absence of Steph, but it was so nice to spend time with these ladies and share memories of Steph and grieve together. We have gotten together one time since and went and shot pool. So I am greatfull to have the opportunity to reconnect with these ladies but I can't help but miss Steph when we are together. I think of her Husband daily and all he has lost.
Now Just recently we have lost Fred's aunt. She lost a sudden and brief battle with Brain Cancer. Fred's aunt was a great women. I remember feeling a part of the family when She asked us to babysit her kids before Fred and I were even engaged. She was a loving mother to 3 kids and her and Frank had been married for 22 years. It seems to me that she was close and had a unique relationship with each of her siblings. Wendy and Frank helped Fred to buy his first car by allowing him to buy a car from them for a good price by paying $200 a month with no intrest. We paid it off early and it felt good to have there respect. After us having kids Wendy has always given them Christmas and Birthday presents. The kids have books from her bath ducks and Sammie has a purse she loves that was given to her by Wendy. Whenever we talked she was eager to hear of there recent developments. She was a very involved parent and her and Frank have such a close relationship with there kids. We hope to develop that closeness with our kids. It is just heartbreaking to think of Frank and the kids have lost in Wendy.
To me it just doesn't feel fair. I know I am not owed a explanation but I feel like I want one. Why does God choose to Heal some and not others? Wouldn't a miraculous recovery speak more of a loving God then Death? It shakes me. It makes me doubt. I don't know why a loving all powerful God can't or won't heal. It make me sad and even angry that young people with so much living left to do, people who did good and were a light in this world were taken. It breaks my heart to think of the children and spouces and everything they have lost. I don't know how to cope with these feelings. I try praying and end up crying. I try reading and I cry. I go to church and I cry. We sing songs of how glorious God is and powerfull and how he cares for us so much but yet it doesn't really feel like it. I don't know - I don't know how to deal, cope. I feel like I know I have to take it to God but yet I feel a wall and I just can't. Then it makes me feel guilty cause my faith should be stronger.
I lost a good friend Tyler Wrachowski right after high school. This was the first time where someone I personally knew had died at a young age. At the time he died Tyler and I had drifted apart and only seen each other a couple times a year. Tyler was a really good friend at one of the hardest times in my young life - my parents divorce. He lived so close that if I needed to chat it was a two minute walk. His death was very sad but I don't think the impact fully hit at the time. I don't think his death effected my life all that much.
The second person we knew to die young, was our Friend Tim. Tim was engaged to a very close friend of ours and we really were just getting to know him - but he was the kind of guy that made you feel you were friends for a long time. When it was two months before the wedding he died in a work accident. I think this is when Death fully hit me. I sat by helpless as my good friend dealt with this horrible event, it amazes me how she was so strong in her faith through this. All her hopes and plans for the future gone. Her best friend, the person who knew her the best taken. This is when death truly impacted me and still does. It made me realize the gift of Fred that I have. But it also made me afraid. Afraid to lose him. About a month after Fred and I had a really fun morning, just hanging out we made breakfast and were flirting. I then had to go to Sundre to take pictures for a friend. As I am leaving Calgary I get this thought - something is going to happen to one of us. That we had a fun morning so that the other one would have a great last memory. Not a fun way to live. In fear. But every time I leave town with out Fred I cry - something is going to happen.
Then we had kids and the stakes went up again. I very clearly remember leaving town the First time without Samantha. We went to Banff for our anniversary. I tried not to worry but there was constant thoughts..something will happen....
Death seemed to stay away for a bit, about four years. Then this past December it came back. A very good friend from Highschool lost a battle with Ovarian Cancer. She was 28. As long as I was friends with Steph she had always been in Love with Jerimy. High school sweethearts who married the year after Fred and I. Steph and I had lost contact, in fact I hadn't seen her in at least two years. I caught up with her on facebook and had high hopes of reconnecting. There was four of us who were really close and every time I went to Med Hat I had thoughts of trying to arrange a get together - but the weekends always went so fast and it never happened. When Stephanie died I realized how sad the word "someday" is. I will now never have that opportunity . After her service the three of us remaining went out for coffee and it was great. There of course was a sadness and we very much felt the absence of Steph, but it was so nice to spend time with these ladies and share memories of Steph and grieve together. We have gotten together one time since and went and shot pool. So I am greatfull to have the opportunity to reconnect with these ladies but I can't help but miss Steph when we are together. I think of her Husband daily and all he has lost.
Now Just recently we have lost Fred's aunt. She lost a sudden and brief battle with Brain Cancer. Fred's aunt was a great women. I remember feeling a part of the family when She asked us to babysit her kids before Fred and I were even engaged. She was a loving mother to 3 kids and her and Frank had been married for 22 years. It seems to me that she was close and had a unique relationship with each of her siblings. Wendy and Frank helped Fred to buy his first car by allowing him to buy a car from them for a good price by paying $200 a month with no intrest. We paid it off early and it felt good to have there respect. After us having kids Wendy has always given them Christmas and Birthday presents. The kids have books from her bath ducks and Sammie has a purse she loves that was given to her by Wendy. Whenever we talked she was eager to hear of there recent developments. She was a very involved parent and her and Frank have such a close relationship with there kids. We hope to develop that closeness with our kids. It is just heartbreaking to think of Frank and the kids have lost in Wendy.
To me it just doesn't feel fair. I know I am not owed a explanation but I feel like I want one. Why does God choose to Heal some and not others? Wouldn't a miraculous recovery speak more of a loving God then Death? It shakes me. It makes me doubt. I don't know why a loving all powerful God can't or won't heal. It make me sad and even angry that young people with so much living left to do, people who did good and were a light in this world were taken. It breaks my heart to think of the children and spouces and everything they have lost. I don't know how to cope with these feelings. I try praying and end up crying. I try reading and I cry. I go to church and I cry. We sing songs of how glorious God is and powerfull and how he cares for us so much but yet it doesn't really feel like it. I don't know - I don't know how to deal, cope. I feel like I know I have to take it to God but yet I feel a wall and I just can't. Then it makes me feel guilty cause my faith should be stronger.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I am toooo Lazy
So the truth is that I have had a few blog post over the last month. In fact I have 4 in my draft file that have gone unfinished I just don't feel like blogging. I am to lazy.
Friday, August 8, 2008
The Van Traps only Cuter!
Grandma made Samantha and Nate some new Clothes. Samantha adores her new dress and would wear it everyday if we allowed it! Nate got two shirts - One with Micky mouse and Pluto and One with Winnie the Pooh. He favors the Mickey Mouse and "puppy" one.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Work
So I have now completed my second shift at Okotoks Pool. I forgot how much I love working at a pool. I really like to interact with the people. The staff here is really young and I am for sure among the oldest if not the oldest. Yikes. Seems like a great pool and that it under good Management. I also forgot how much cleaning is involved in working at a pool.....that I don't love so much but it could be worse. They have a super cool floor machine. It is like a mini Zamboni and that is how we clean the change rooms. Awesome! So far it looks like I will be working Thur-Sat. Which is okay. Next Sat I work a 10 hour shift- that will be a long day! I am excited to start receiving a regular paycheck!
Monday, July 7, 2008
Wendy Graffunder
It has been a very hard week for our Family. We have lost a very special women. Wendy is Fred's aunt and she passed away on Friday night. Wendy was a vibrant person who will be missed greatly. She was kind, funny, caring, giving, and a million other great things. She was a loving mom to three awesome kids, and her and her husband Frank have the kind of relationship with there kids that we hope to develop with ours. She was involved with her nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephew. There really is not enough words to accuratly explain who Wendy was and how she will be missed by so many.
Below is her obituary that was in the Calgary Herald.
GRAFFUNDER _ Wendy Hedwig October 9, 1964 - July 4, 2008 Wendy Graffunder, beloved wife of Frank Wolever of Calgary, passed away on Friday, July 4, 2008 at the age of 43 years. Wendy was born in Kamloops, B.C. She grew up on the family ranch with mom Solveig, dad Alfred, Linda, Bernie, Hilda, and her twin brother George. Wendy came to Calgary from Vavenby, B.C. to attend the Alberta Bible College, and met her husband Frank in 1986. She attended the University of Calgary and graduated from McGill University in Montreal with her teaching degree. She loved the mountains and travels, with an engagement proposal at the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, and trips to Asia, India, Turkey and other exotic places. She was a full life and business partner to Frank, with fun and adventures for twenty-two years. Her life's greatest accomplishment is the raising of three wonderful children - daughter Cayla, and twins, Brinton and Riley. She attended Oak Park Church, worked as a part-time teacher and administrator at Menno Simons School, where her children attended for five years. She left us peacefully, surrounded by friends and family after a sudden and brief battle with brain cancer, an enemy that could not be overcome. Our family has a new guardian angel, and her work is not finished. May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face; The rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
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